Been even longer since my last update! Don't worry anyone, I'm still miraculously alive somehow. Got a lot of shit I want to write about lol

Personal Stuff

Alright! It has been nearly 2 years since my last update on here, I kinda abandoned working on this project but I might try and be more active again. I think it would be helpful to journal everything that has happened in my life as of late. Honestly I don't even know where to begin. I reread my last post before writing this and lowkey that shit made me depressed. The relationship that I was in at the time, although I didn't go too much into it was incredibly abusive towards me. That fucker would give me loads of adderall to get me in a suitable mental state to be repeadily raped. This went on for years, I didn't realize what was happening, I didn't have any support or anything that could help. The relationship I got into after that was a bit better (if you consider trying to fuck me whenever I vent about anything as better". That shit really sucked too. Thankfully, I'm out of those both now and I am in a decent all though not very good spot.

Skipping over the relationship trauma for now, I moved out of my parents in the worst way possible. They found out that I started estrogen and as I said in my previous post here, they are insanley transphobic! They ended up harrassing my doctor until I had to get a new one and essientially kicked me out. I lived at my ex's house for about a month until I needed to end things and then lived in my car for a few days. I guess I should write about why I ended things but the timeline is pretty messy and I'm still trying to put it all together. The final straw was the day before halloween, I got a concusion while hanging out with a person I met who I now consider my brother and this freaky rapist cunt (we didn't know how evil they were and were trying to help them through some shit). The freak was the one who gave me the concussion, feel like it's important to mention. I was in the hospital and my ex was incredibly pissed at me, this amoung other reasons was my final straw and I had to end things. I haven't felt any emotions about the whole thing, but I haven't been feeling much of anything for a while now anyways. The next day was probably the worst day of my life, so I'm gonna talk about that now.

The Worst Halloween Ever

Me and my brother were supposed to go to this Halloween party, but we ended up getting uninvited for some reason and decided to chill at a park with the weird freak I mentioned early. Essentially, this bitch freaked out over me showing any physical affection to anyone and ended up running away. I tried to stop her but she kept threatining to kill me and was attacking me before springting off into the woods. We spent hours chasing her around trying to get her to calm down and eventually I just drove her home. But she forgot something. These stupid shitty headphones that she accidentally broke the night before. The day after she showed up to my work and just spent my entire shift creeping around the mall I worked at. When my brother showed up, she started trying to attack him over the headphones. I got in the middle of them and attempted to stop things from escalating further but the cops ended up being called and we got arrested. I eventually got released but the whole situation got me fired, which was complete bullshit. They really fired a homeless transgender who needed that job desepretly for preventing a fucking fight. It made me realize how few people actually cared to support me, most people who I considered my friends were just using me for sex or emotional support while not really caring about me. Which leads me to the next topic

PTSD

Yeah... I started having these seizures a few months ago, and learned that they were dissasociative seizures caused by trauma. I've been having phyiscial flashbacks of being raped where I feel all the phyiscal pain of when it was happening. It is terrifiying and I hate it. I'm currently trying to seek out therapy, but who knows how long that will take. I think my mom raped me as a kid and that led to a whole bunch of other people sexually taking advantage of me. I just want this shit to end, I guess trying to find the positive side, its called POST TRAUMATIC for a reason, I am out of that situation now and with people I truly consider my family. I love them all so much, and they show me the care my biological family could never show me. I'm not gonna kill myself now, I have so many people who genuinelly care about me so much and its been a shock to my system after years of abuse. I hope anyone out there going through what I went through can find what I have now found.

Alright, I think that about wraps it up for what I'm comfortable posting publically, so lets talk about some more positive stuff!

NEW ALBUM OUT NOW!!!!

Me and my brother recorded a new EP together, its the first serious (non joke) music I've made in a long time and I'm so happy with how it turned out. I'm working on some more stuff now but totally check it out on my bandcamp :D

Well that's pretty much it! Thanks for reading till the end! Until next update :3