3/31/23

The titles a bit over dramatic, but this is gonna be about a feeling of loliness and abandonment.Theres something that's
incredibly sad about neocities. The creeping feeling of abandoment. And even though this website is less than a day old,
it already feels abanadoned. Like I'm writing all this stuff, but will anyone ever see or read it? Probably not. I am fine
with that, this is more of my journal anyways. Even if no one's reading it still feels nice to say it all.Anyways, this
isn't really what I want to talk about. I think. I have ideas but I don't really know how to talk about them so I'll
attempt again next paragraph.

Despite setting up this blog to be easily maintainable long term, i really don't expect to be around much longer. It's pretty much innevitible that I'm going to kill
myself and it's probably gonna be sooner rather than later. When that happens, I might be the very last person to ever see this site again. Or if not, someone stumbles
across it, it'll just be weird and sad. An abadon corner of the web, a internet ghost town. Will my family find it? I honestly hope not. My parents are transphobic and
my sister hates me. God forbid they find out any more information about me. Being trans is already bad in their mind forget about neopronouns and xenogenders. It really
feels like there is only one person who loves me and god do I love them to bits aswell, but even then it feels I have to alter pieces of me when I'm around them.

It feels like they kinda hate me despite the love they show. Like they almost resent me and I'm not sure why. I feel disconnected from me the person in real life and
the thoughts in my mind. It's like theres two diffrent things fighting for control. One part just sits in the back until it's time to write by myself. The later is
whats on this website. It feels pure. It helps. Will it help enough to the point where I don't end my life in the next few months or years? Probably not.
The only reason I'm still around is for Ivory. I don't want to hurt them by dying so despite my constent torment I'm trying to stay around for them. I really love them.
This has gotten way off topic from the original purpose of this blog entry so I'm gonna try and bring it back.

The internet will die and is probably already dying. Not as a concept but as a force. Its all corporate hell with so few redeeming qualities that it is hardly recogniziable.
I have a feeling its gonna get a whole lot more dystopian and worse very very soon with the contant ai advancement. I guess in short I'm fucking terrified of the future.
Which I guess is another reason I am suicidial. Too much is changing too quick and it is all so sad. The lack of humanity, the lack of life, the lack of everything everywhere
is sad. In my neighborhood there is no nature. Just cars, roads, and concrete. The humanity is gone. The internet is going the same way. It's all so santized for lack of a better word. Ik this is cringy but it all just seems so dystopian and fake. People were not meant to live like this.

Consider this section a sequel to the 3/31/23 blog. That was written at the beggining of the day, this one has been written at the end. I worked alot on the site today. It looks much better now in my opinion.
Its fuctional atleast. That's all I really did today, so lets talk about what I didn't. I didn't record any more Fortnite at Freddys tracks
I really gotta get working on that again. I'm halfway done and the rest of the songs should be pretty easy to make honestly. Nothing too long, nothing to intense. I'm really
hoping to get it (or atleast some of the tracks) onto spotify. It's asking me to use my legal name though, and I honestly cannot do that. Too upsetting. It would be cool if it
was semi sucsessful. The original recently had a massive stream bump about a week ago. My bandcamp got like 260 streams? with most of that being on fortnite at freddys which was funny but also kinda annoying, I would much prefer that happened with the remake.

Speaking of which, I'm planning alot of marketing for the remake. I wanna make 2 music videos,
t-shirts, a genius lyrics explained parody, and of course reddit stuff. Of course a vinyl and CD is planned as well, under goofball bootlegs which will hopefully bring attention
to it. If it's sucsessful, I might reprint Litterbox EP and Fortnite at Freddy's 2, but under a diffrent name. That one has NOTHING to do with freddy. If I end up recording tommorow
I'll post a sneak peak on here. Probably thorugh an unlisted youtube embedd, shouldn't be too hard to figure out. All right that was one hell of a tone shift, and thats also about it
for today's super secret extra blog. Not sure how often I'll write these extra blogs, but who knows. Enjoy your day!